the search is over

How can I convince you what you see is real 
Who am I to blame you for doubting what you feel 
I was always reachin', you were just a girl I knew 
I took for granted the friend I have in you 

I was living for a dream, loving for a moment 
Taking on the world, that was just my style 
Now I look into your eyes 
I can see forever, the search is over 
You were with me all the while 

Can we last forever, will we fall apart 
At times it's so confusing, these questions of the heart 
You followed me through changes and patiently you'd wait 
Till I came to my senses through some miracle of fate 

I was living for a dream, loving for a moment 
Taking on the world, that was just my style 
Now I look into your eyes 
I can see forever, the search is over 
You were with me all the while 

Now the miles stretch out behind me 
Loves that I have lost 
Broken hearts lie victims of the game 
Then good luck it finally struck 
Like lightning from the blue 
Every highway leading me back to you 

Now at last I hold you, now all is said and done 
The search has come full circle 
Our destinies are one 
So if you ever loved me 
Show me that you give a damn 
You'll know for certain 
The man I really am 

I was living for a dream, loving for a moment 
Taking on the world, that was just my style 
Then I touched your hand, I could hear you whisper 
The search is over, love was right before my eyes

will you remember me?

I will remember you
Will you remember me? 
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Remember the good times that we had? 
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one

I will remember you
Will you remember me? 
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard

But I will remember you
Will you remember me? 
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

And I will remember you
Will you remember me? 
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

And I will remember you
Will you remember me? 
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories

-----------------------------------------

why is it that, time and time again, i come back to the same old songs?

Iris

And I'd give up forever to touch you,
Cause I know that you feel the same somehow.
You're the closest heaven that I'll ever be,
And I don't want to go home right now.

And all I can taste is this moment,
And all I can breathe is your life,
And sooner or later it's over,
I just don't want to miss you tonight.

And I don't want the world to see me,
Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming,
Or the moment of the truth in your lies.
When everything feels like the movies,
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive.

And I don't want the world to see me,
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

And I don't want the world to see me,
Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

And I don't want the world to see me,
Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.
I just want you to know who I am.
I just want you to know who I am.
I just want you to know who I am.

Think of Me

Think of me, think of me fondly,
When we've said goodbye.
Remember me once in a while,
Please promise me you'll try.

When you find that, once again,
You long to take your heart back and be free,
If you ever find a moment,
Spare a thought for me.

We never said our love was evergreen,
Or as unchanging as the sea,
But if you can still remember,
Stop and think of me.

Think of all the things we've shared and seen,
Don't think about the things which might have been.

Think of me, think of me waking,
Silent and resigned.
Imagine me, trying too hard to
Put you from my mind.

Recall those days, look back on all those times,
Think of the things we'll never do,
There will never be a day, when
I won't think of you.

Can it be? Can it be Christine?
What a change!
You're really not a bit the gawkish girl that once you were.
She may not remember me, but
I remember her.

We never said our love was evergreen,
Or as unchanging as the sea,
But please promise me, that sometimes,
You will think of me.

impossible?

it seems ridiculous to even suggest that my first year of nus law is finally over. technically it isn't, because results aren't exactly out yet. but in essence, it really is. and that does seem pretty impossible to me. time has flown much faster than it ever has before, faster than jc days, faster than ns days. but nevertheless, it has been one heck of an exciting journey, full of ups and downs, and i'm glad to say i've made it this far.

i've certainly learnt a lot this year, but i think lately what has struck me the most is that nothing is ever impossible. fulham staying in the premier league looked downright impossible, but yet here we still are. it has been such a thrilling ride, and i daresay even more so than any of those title contenders. one month ago, i was pretty sure we were going down. don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean i'd given up on my team; but for all practical purposes, we were going down. second from bottom, with 5 games to go, 3 of them away games, and we hadn't won an away game since 2006. playing (and predictably losing to) liverpool effectively meant 4 games to fight for survival. but against all odds we won all 4 games (3 away at reading, manchester city and portsmouth, and at home against birmingham) and now we're staying up! and i'm proud to say i never quit on my team, just like my team never quit on me, or any other supporter.

seems like nothing is impossible eh, i can go off to england (which i am in june) and get myself some fulham premier league merchandise hehe. i'm glad we're still up, by the grace of god. from the blackburn draw in march i've been praying everyday that we'd stay up, and let me assure you, that's the only way we actually did. pretty amazing stuff, and if not for that i'm pretty sure we'd never have survived the drop.

reminds me of a simpsons episode where homer got everything he prayed for. after all, all you need is faith the size of a mustard seed. i know i've got that, it just makes me wonder what else could come to fruition if i just prayed about it everyday. because, really, nothing is impossible when you've got God on your side.

just all in His timing =)

what it means to live life with hope

i'm currently engaged in a conversation with a friend of mine, and it's turning out to be predictably strange. not to say that he's strange, or that i don't like talking to him. but it serves as the springboard for this post today.

he has many pent-up frustrations about life, mainly about underachievement in academic and romantic fields. it's interesting how he approaches both in the same manner - he has goals and targets that he would love to achieve, yet he looks at his present scenario and, instead of spurring himself to work harder or to be bolder, he begins to contemplate the unfortunate eventuality of his failure in achieving those goals, and ridicules his own targets.

it's pretty disappointing whenever i talk to him. i keep trying to persuade him that (1) he's not as bad as he makes himself out to be, and he has the potential to achieve, and (2) even if he doesn't achieve what he set out to do, he may still achieve or learn something worthy of respect and can still go on to be successful in life. sadly, he finds it hard to give himself hope.

perhaps it's the pain of past defeat, the lack of victories, that has given him this perception. i wish i could somehow tell him that working hard doesn't necessitate success - sometimes all you need is to wait for everything to fall into place. it's not enough to strive incessantly and end up saying if only i'd done something else - sometimes you just need to accept that it wasn't the right way of doing things, and that the time may not have been right. but above all, i believe prayer is the key. prayer makes all things possible, i can personally attest to that from experience.

so now all that's left is to wait for the time to be right, pray without ceasing, and strike when the iron is hot. those steps in themselves are a skill to be mastered, but surely they can be.

living life with hope is like that. to never say die, to never allow yourself to fail until there is no way out. just like the true fulham fan who never gives up. even when you're second from bottom playing the team in fifth, you never lose hope. and as you pray fervently, all things are possible. even beating formidable everton. even winning 3 matches in a row. even defying relegation. we can, and we will. VAMOS!!! muahaha

lucky busy days

today was a really busy day, more running around and visiting. i normally don't post twice in two days, but i must tell you that i was having excellent luck today.

it was an amazing story of poker. if we had been playing with money, i would easily have won like a few hundred dollars. i started the day with a potential straight on the flop, a hand which i chose not to play (seriously, who plays with a 5 and 8). i landed a 6 triple on the flop, followed by a 4 four of a kind on the river, along with pocket As and pocket Js. basically, i was owning and winning all the high stakes games. which is slightly infuriating because i could effectively be very rich now.

but that's all part of the game. you win some you lose some. and if you don't play with money, all you can do is rue a missed opportunity. but THOU SHALT NOT COVET and hence i feel a little guilty for thinking that way. gambling is BAD. i'm just happy i had good cards today =)

lessons over chinese new year

chinese new year has been a rather different one from most, for many reasons. definitely had many memorable experiences which i've never had to encounter before, but just to name a few, the top few would include, running around on the very last day before cny to shop for clothes, including running from heeren to ps just to buy a shirt, only to find the shop had closed; waking up to no bak kwa/bak kua on the morning of cny; playing on a wii and having my arms ache after that, and the list goes on. anyway i have realised some very important lessons over the cny period, some of which apply to me. but i shall write them down so i do not forget.

1) never criticise a male's driving

this is completely a male-dominated sector. it's also related to how guy's take failing a driving test much much harder than girls do, i remember talking to some guys who were recounting their utter sorrow when they failed on the first time. driving is totally a male-ego thing. feed it and he's happy, destroy it and he's angry. incidentally, my dad classifies bad drivers into "old person", "idiot" and "woman". evidently they're not mutually exclusive, so it's not a very good categorisation. males stick up for each other.

2) never fall in love with an attached person

even though it goes without saying, just remember this all the time. because things happen, and you'll never know what hit you. this is also related to, never fall in love with someone overseas, and never fall in love with someone who's way too good for you. i know, sometimes miracles do happen, by God's grace and the like. but i'm too much of a cynic to believe that you can get someone far better than you deserve (although even that is debatable), or that someone will keep thinking of you till they get back, or that someone will break up with their current other half and feel the same way about you. it really really is nice to hope though. but i just don't believe in it. so don't do it.

3) always shop with a girl

oh yes, and of course, shopping with a girl is wonderful. because girls are great shoppers. they know where to get what and offer erm interesting perspectives on fashion haha. i must say it was quite an experience, and i figure that in general, girls make for better shopping buddies than guys. guys just grunt and say, that looks okay. or, that's too expensive. but of course you need a little bit of thriftiness in your shopping partner too. nevertheless, i ended up being EFFICIENT so i'm happy =))

overseas

hello friends i'm back from hong kong/taiwan! it was...an interesting trip i suppose. but i must tell you, after this trip, i am determined to get myself poached by some big MNC and sent to either of those countries.

what is it with foreign girls that makes them look 100 times better than local ones? seriously, you walk anywhere in hk/tw and you see pretty girls every other step. they must have factories churning out beautiful babies (and you can even take away the I if you like) everywhere. or it must be the air there. although i don't think it's particularly healthy. half the people smoke in hk so you're always passive smoking or holding your breath and killing brain cells. and there are so many black smoke-puffing cars in taiwan that it's practically the same thing as people smoking everywhere you go. sucks.

perhaps we need more haze in singapore so we can have prettier girls. that said, all we did was a little bit of shopping, and i didn't get much. quite disappointing.

anyway i've decided that for christmas i want a new tennis racket please!

insane boggle boards

please tell me, what can you find from the board. INSANE I TELL YOU.

but i won all the same heheheheheheh.

of staying late

i think that studying in school too much makes people go crazy. the things we've been doing, i tell you.

life has been a drag, staying in school every single day since lessons officially ended has not bee the most fun thing in life, but still i get to people-watch in the study room and observe the late night muggers. cannot imagine doing this for the rest of my working life, all this staying up till 2am and then hitting 24 hour stalls for supper.

like i said a while back, it seems i only post whenever something exciting happens or when i am suddenly inspired or when i dream. a couple of nights back, i had another one of my dreams. i haven't had a dream like this for ever so long, mainly because i haven't been thinking about it all. but it suddenly popped into my mind that night, and it was a really pleasant surprise. of course, it sucks when you wake up and you realise it's a dream =( but what can you do other than pray that dreams manifest themselves =)

anyway here's my song of the moment. i bet i could win singapore idol if i could sing it well, although that really isn't saying much heh heh.

Desperado

Desperado
Why don't you come to your senses
You've been out ridin' fences
for so long now
Oh you're a hard one
I know that you've got your reasons
These things that are pleasin' you
Can hurt you somehow

Don't you draw the queen of diamonds boy
She'll beat you if she's able
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet
Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones
That you can't get

Desperado
Oh you ain't getting no younger
Your pain and your hunger
They're driving you home
And freedom, oh freedom
Well that's just some people talking
Your prison is walking through this world all alone

Don't your feet get cold in the winter time
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine
It's hard to tell the night time from the day
And you're losing all your highs and lows
Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away

Desperado
Why don't you come to your senses
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you
Let somebody love you
You better let somebody love you
Before it's too late

because you asked for it

just because people have been asking me to blog, i shall, even though i have absolutely no idea what to write about.

i realise that when i was in the army, i just kept writing about army stuff. now that i'm in school, all i have to write about is school stuff. isn't it sad that i keep focusing on one social group at a time, like i can't get myself completely involved in like 10 groups and talk incessantly about them.

so anyway school has been interesting! since the last time i blogged, things have changed quite a bit, i've made new fantastic friends, i've started getting used to the whole idea of studying and school, and right now i'm near the end of my mid-sem break. it's been a crazy break full of studying, but it's nice to be able to just stay home and slack for a bit =)

what with random tennis outings, or watching silly movies at other people's houses, breaks from lanning and conversion to poker nights, and generally good times with school and church people, i thank God for helping me through that first month of school. and i pray very hard that He helps me do well in my test!

oh and belated thanks for all the birthday wishes =)

eventful weekend

in about 9 hours' time, i'll be back in school for another long week (fine, four days) of school. i've to say i'm dreading it pretty badly, but hopefully i start managing it all well. unfortunately for me, history doesn't bode well. i tend to take a while to adapt and understand what's required of me in a course. i took 2 years in ri to start getting my As, while i distinctly remember taking half a year in rj trying to figure out what i needed to study and how to study it.

sadly, i don't have 2 years, or even 6 months to start getting used to everything. i need to start getting used to it asap, and that's why i'm so stressed and afraid i'll flunk out. i sincerely hope i don't have to repeat modules or something, but subconsciously i'm pressuring myself. i guess i just have to do the necessary readings and squeeze some revision in.

melancholic thoughts aside, i actually did manage to enjoy my weekend. i thought it might end up a work-filled, highly-strung period, but i was wrong. i managed to complete my case summary on time, and ended up having a good time. saturday was san mei's party, where we (i.e. mainly glenn, joshua, dedrick, audrey and myself) had fun kboxing on a huge projector screen with 50 strangers, after which the twins and i adjourned to (where else) al azhar where i bumped into shihui of all people =) nice to meet friends you haven't seen in ages, because they were all smart enough to get into LSE haha.

church was good (when is it ever bad?) albeit a little different because we ended up sitting almost right at the back, but the view wasn't bad or anything so that was great. and of course the guys insisted on lanning, so i went along, and we ended up playing games for hours and hours! and even though my day ended with eating pizza for dinner and as a result i feel like i've a terribly dry throat and heaty system, i'm glad my weekend wasn't as stressful and nerve-wracking as the rest of the week was, or as terrible as i thought it might turn out to be. so thank God for that.

hope the week goes well for all the new SMU students, and for me too!

first week of school

the first week of school has been, to say the least, very very tiring. thankfully i've yet to experience the same emotions i felt in OCS, which i'm sure you'd think is a rather ridiculous thing to compare with NUS law, but it isn't all that different after all.

at least in OCS, there was no thinking involved. we were just all really tired out by the physical strain, and we'd feel completely low and down knowing that the following day would be more of the same, knowing that there'd be more punishments and stupid activities for us to go through.

now that i've entered uni, things are completely different, yet so similar. every day i'm put through mental torture, having to think deeply about issues and delve into cases. i've to plough through whole multitudes of cases, and attempt to absorb them into my decaying brain. what is challenging for a normal person becomes twice as hard for people like me, who've not had mental stimulation for the 2 years of army, and then didn't bother doing anything after they ORDed.

it gets worse when you look around and you see people doing things you feel you should be doing. people studying their hardest just two days into the start of the school term, people being completely vocal and participative in class, people being alert, attentive and sharp. i've to say that i was never any of the above in JC, but with everyone around me doing all this, it's hard to not feel positively pressured (if you look at it that way). at the same time, however, it's difficult to do something totally against my character, like speak up in class for no good reason, or to do consistent revision.

anyway, i feel totally drained now that the week has ended. drained from the constant intellectual activity, tired from being stressed by my peers' hardworking-ness, and simply exhausted by this whole new lifestyle. let's hope i manage to get my readings and homework for this weekend done in time.

matric week

matriculation week began yesterday, and it was just as fun and exciting as i expected it to be, perhaps even more. the whole event reminded me of a great many things, including why i skipped law camp.

to start the day off, we were asked to register at noon, when the talk began only at 230pm. such wonderful planning, but that just gave us more time for *introductions*! yippee.

introductions are kinda like the main reason i didn't wanna attend law camp. i just dislike the whole getting-to-know-new-people phase. sure, it's part and parcel, a necessity at every stage of life, but i can't stand it all the same. why can't i just know everyone immediately? hurhur.

the talk was a waste of time of course, but still it was good that i was there ultimately. after which, i disappeared from the campus. and i highly doubt i'll be going back till next monday. so i hope the very enthusiastic law people enjoy themselves while i revert to my anti-social self.

anti-social of course in a sense that i won't go around looking for people to talk to, i'll just wait for them to talk to me heh heh.

do not

do not lie.

do not steal.

do not murder.

do not commit adultery.

and perhaps almost just as important as the above, do not go to 21st birthday parties organised by people who have many huge social circles when you're dead tired.

why? because i did just that last night, and it was a major social disaster. in fact, it was so terrible that when i woke up this morning, the only thing i could think of was oh my goodness i am an idiot.

okay so it wasn't as bad as i make it sound. but it should've and could've been much better. i ran into some old acquaintances and my side of the conversation was so stoned and uncreative because all i could think of was sleeping. i ended up saying, oh ok, for probably half of my conversations. someone was trying to talk to me too but i was so lethargic/stoned that i could only grunt and say, that's nice.

terrible! unfortunate but true. the party was decent i suppose, it was surprisingly tame and just a nice leisurely bit of relaxation.

this morning's football session at the Raffles Institution Astroturf started late but lasted pretty long and was rather decent in the end. more parties to follow in the next few weeks, starting with tomorrow evening. i hope today's exercise doesn't tire me out too much that i end up going all stoned again tomorrow. audrey will be pissed, hurhur.

faith

today an article appeared in the sunday times about an alleged Buddha tooth relic in a Singapore temple. i'm going to paste that article here, so please bear with me if you've already read it. so here goes.

---

The Sunday Times received 20 letters from readers after it reported last week that doubts have been cast on the authenticity of the Buddha tooth relic in a temple here.

Dental specialists had said that they believed the tooth, said to have been found in Myanmar and given to the temple, belonged to a herbivorous animal.

At least 16 letter-writers were upset. One of them was private tutor Brandon Lee, 35. He had sponsored more than $4,000 worth of statues and tiles in the new temple at Chinatown, and now says: 'I never doubted them. But think about it...if Myanmar had a real tooth, the discovery would have made big news.'

Readers suggested that the temple should let dental experts examine the tooth. They said that with so much donated to the temple's construction, there should be some transparency.

More than 60,000 donors have given the temple $45 million and 270kg of gold. The gold was later melted and rebuilt into a 3.6m-high stupa to house the tooth relic.

The Venerable Shi Fazhao is not in Singapore and hence unable to respond to queries, said temple aides. But he had earlier ruled out conducting DNA tests on the tooth.

The temple also took out advertisements in The Straits Times, Lianhe Zaobao and Shin Min Daily News last week in which he said: 'We should stand firm on our own faith towards the sacred relics.'

Besides the tooth relic, the temple will also house a museum exhibiting Buddhist artefacts. The relic itself is said to have been discovered by a Myanmar monk, the late Venerable Cakkapala of Bandula Monastery, in 1980, when he was restoring a collapsed stupa in Mrauk-U, Myanmar.

In a commentary published in Lianhe Zaobao on Monday, columnist Goh Choon Kang said that while it is important for those who doubt the authenticity of the tooth to have their say, there is no need to get to the bottom of the authenticity issue. He said that believers will believe and those who don't believe, won't. What is important is for Buddhism to meet the challenge of remaining relevant to society; not this quibbling over what is real and what is not.

Professor John Strong, an authority on Buddhist studies and author of Relics Of The Buddha, said the issue of historical authenticity of Buddha relics 'is pretty much an impossible one to resolve'. However, citing the Buddhist belief that relics are 'alive' and can multiply, he said: 'I have no doubt that the Singapore relic is religiously authentic.'

Indeed, one debate on online forums such as Stomp is whether scientific authenticity even matters in matters of faith. Some say the relic should not be judged scientifically. 'The whole premise of faith is that you must believe - you don't ask if it's real,' said Mr Toh Puay Yong, a 42-year-old accountant.

---

interesting situation, don't you think? without going into the facts of the situation, or disputing whether it really is "Buddha's tooth", let me talk a little about faith.

i think it's one thing to have faith without doubting, but it's another to have faith without discerning. as someone who subscribes to a religion, i claim to have faith in my God. yet i can't simply claim that i have faith in something that gives me no basis for it. it's a completely logical process, yet something that a lot of people who consider themselves religious don't think about.

it's rather alarming to observe how there is so much reluctance when it comes to getting the artifact tested by experts for authenticity. it goes beyond the matter of whether or not one believes that it is true, because any fool can simply say he believes that an item is genuine or that there are dinosaurs living on a remote island in this world. but if the relic is indeed genuine, a simple test would prove it so, and wouldn't that help to strengthen faith and perhaps even attract new believers, rather than testing believers' faith? don't tell me every single Buddhist believes that the tooth is real beyond any reasonable doubt, because i certainly wouldn't believe that. reluctance implies something doesn't it? ahem.

faith without doubting has a very logical basis. everyday we watch the sun rise, now that it's night, i would not be faulted for having faith that the sun will rise tomorrow morning. in fact, i'd be considered mad to actually have doubts that the sun would rise at all. faith without discerning is totally different, like if i told my neighbour that i am here to destroy the planet and bring all who believe in me to a new earth, he'd be stupid to follow me without any form of discernment.

asking believers to stand firm in their faith regarding the tooth is all very well and good. but how firm can faith stand under the constant bombardment of criticism from outsiders, especially when the actions of the temple do not deflect but rather invite more. saying you believe without asking is real, however, does not prove that you have a stronger faith than most. it just shows you don't want to accept anything that may compromise your beliefs, which is too closed-minded for my liking.

so just let the experts examine the tooth. they don't even have to do DNA testing, i'm sure observation and comparison would give a pretty good basic idea of what it really is or isn't. especially since believers have been pouring in money and gold as donations, don't they deserve to know if the relic is genuine? shouldn't someone in the civil service (scoffs) be at the very least concerned about this and have done something about it?

what about my own faith, you ask? if there are any doubts about the authenticity of Christianity and my beliefs, i suggest you pick up the book The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel. his series of books is excellent, and i think it shows quite concisely that Christianity is truly founded in fact, archaeological, historical and so on. the thing is, i've done my research, i've read my books, and i'm sure that it's true. many other believers may claim the same things about their individual faiths, but things i've experienced myself and seen with my own eyes about God can never be fully described in a blog post or a book. ultimately how much faith you have boils down to the individual and his experiences. but basing that faith on fact and logic is necessary to sustain it. i suggest that if the temple wishes to sustain its faith, it should do something positive with regards to that relic, if not, it'll just end up as blind faith.

i'm just glad that the faith i have is well placed =)

movies

if you happen to know me well, you'll know i'm quite big on movies. i really do enjoy good movies and completely loathe bad ones, not like some people who are lukewarm about everything. lately i've been watching quite a few movies, pirates 3 was pretty average, fantastic 4 was surprisingly good and transformers way exceeded by high expectations, especially as a transformers fan since i was like 8.

yesterday i was watching old flicks on star movies when i came across a pretty good although slightly nonsensical one:

i was very amused by the movie, not just by the jokes they made but also by the fact that i found several parallels between ted's (ben stiller) life and mine. that meant time spent on reflection again. go figure, hurhur...

on the topic of new movies, i discovered while reading this morning's newspapers that the star of this show:

i.e. daniel radcliffe aka harry potter is a fulham fan! pleasant surprise, jolly good mate, just wingardium leviosa those chelsea buggers (hurhur kenneth).

and finally, i was watching mtv (ok this doesn't really qualify as a movie BUT =P) and i watched the video of:

ok actually it was just from the album, when you're gone by avril lavigne. i was surprised that she had such soppy lyrics in her album, not-too-aptly-titled the best damn thing, and with her rocker chick image and all. but still, interesting. here you go:

When You're Gone - Avril Lavigne

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cried
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it okay
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
They lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever I know we were
Yeah, yeah
And all I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me
Yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you

a very special post

i don't normally post huge collections of pictures, but i just had to today.

remember i was telling you about scandalous photos and videos? well i've decided not to put up the videos, if you want to see them you'll have to ask me. as for photos...heh heh.

the night before the twins' party we hung out at cafe iguana (not to be mistaken for lazy lizard, different reptiles). after a multitude of drinks (i bet the twins can't remember how many) here's what happened:

the last couple of drinks

twins getting stoned

perhaps a little dazed

and then they were happy

like, really happy

so we were all happy together

and went home happily ever after.

that night, with lots of alcohol in their bloodstreams, everything spewed out of their mouths. everything verbal, of course. so i decided to dedicate this photo, taken in sim lim square, to gang (ahem go figure) :

here's the cover of a card that i was trying to design but ended up with no time, so here you go twins. happy birthday =) see the twin geese? so cute right? ;)

birthdays continued

i'm lazy to upload incriminating evidence, videos and pictures and more, of the twins' happy 21st birthday. but happy birthday all the same, i'm glad you guys enjoyed yourselves and i hope you like the presents. i mean, who wouldn't like a sexy XBOX360 please.

it was interesting to go present hunting, which i was actively involved in for two days. traversing practically the entire orchard road and raffles city area, visiting every single shop in sim lim and lugging all assortments of nonsense presents around was really quite fun, despite the obvious energy-sapping. i was happy in the end, although a little disappointed that halo 2 has disappeared from xbox game shelves. i mean, how can you ever stop producing halo 2?!

i realised that on a personal level, i might not actually desire a game console for my birthday present that much. i mean, it would be really terrific, but school is coming up and i doubt i'll have that much time to play games, especially when they're on a new console and all. that said, of course i would really love it, but it would be a little wasted on me. pc games would be fantastic as well, but if i can download them for free, why buy? unless i've no hard disk space to save them of course. haha no! intellectual property is to be treated with utmost respect. guys do not take these words out of context.

when i was shopping for games, i realised that people might buy games that i wouldn't normally buy for me, if they were in my position. i suppose i sound like quite a sports fanatic, and people might buy me like fifa or virtua tennis. that's all very well and good, and that would be lovely. but i wouldn't buy something like that, mainly because i think that it's not worth spending so much on a game that eventually gets repetitive. they're games that end up being boring, and once you get the hang of beating the AI, it's just about improving your team/player in various ways. quite unlike a game with a plot, for example, oblivion (which i totally adore and drooled all over my keyboard while playing) or halo (which i adored just as much and drooled all over my cousin's xbox controller while playing).

so what games would i buy? two examples are above, but having no console at home other than my PC, choices are limited. dynamic games with plots or those that involve more than just getting the hang of how to beat the AI, which means racing games are out (especially since i'm not a car fan), and sports games, although they do have their appeal. other than that, i'm pretty open.

like the twins said, i don't have anything i need, and my wants are pretty much satisfied. if i really had to choose any present in the world, it could be a new nokia handphone, although i'm quite happy with my motorola razr, but it is a little old and un-user friendly. nokia rocks, motorola does not rokrs. i might enjoy a pair of tennis shoes or a new tennis racket, but the former is hard for someone else to pick without my feet being present, while the latter does cost quite a bit for a good one, and cheap rackets aren't really worth buying. i think i will need an external hard drive for school, but i'm not too sure about that yet. i'm not fussy about clothes so i don't have that many, again hard to pick out without my oh-so-magnificently-sculpted body there to try on.

my wallet is serving me excellently, as is my swatch. i'm not into music, neither do i love wearing a different pair of footwear every day of the month, unlike a lot of other people. i've a little bag for school though i think it may not suffice, but i hear the bags look terrible now so i'll have to pass. so how now brown cow? looks like whoever actually feels like buying me something will have to think really hard =)

right now the twins are definitely enjoying their dead or alive 4 (mmm i remember the whole objective of the game very clearly) or halo (owned). so happy birthday again guys and enjoy your presents to the max! especially the toys ;)

happy birthday

happy birthday! as i'm typing this, the whole of america is celebrating independence day (i.e. fourth of july, you slit-eyed chinks).

but enough of that, i don't really keep american independence day in mind. now with all this birthday hype going around, 2007 has become a very expensive year for me. everyone seems to think 21st birthdays are wonderfully important, which calls for lavish celebrations, while the party-goers add to the festivities with equally expensive presents.

anyway, to stay in the whole birthday spirit, i shall begin to think of what presents i do not want for my 21st.

please don't buy these things:
wallets
watches
any form of footwear
computer games
exotic dancers/strippers
bling

i decided to take out the things i want list to see how well people know me haha...so if you didn't take notice of what i wrote from the beginning, too bad! =)

anyway happy birthday to all the july babies/babes. ahem.

lightning does strike twice

i'm currently typing this post while wearing my contacts. contacts which i haven't worn since 2004, and my eyes are probably gonna explode if i don't take them out soon. you're probably wondering why i'm being so vain at home, and i'd love to tell you that there are a mass of hot babes outside my window clamouring for a peek at me, so i have to look my best.

but unfortunately that couldn't be further from the truth. in fact, believe it or not, there are NO hot babes outside my window. yes i can practically hear your collective gasp. it's true. haha anyway the reason i'm wearing my contacts and torturing my eyes is because my other pair of specs has been destroyed too! at football again, in fact.

again, i didn't know what hit me when the accident happened. the answer to that would be sheng xiang's foot. i know, that makes me sound like an idiot who happened to be lying down in between the ball and his foot while he was kicking it, but that's not the case. the ball was actually about 2m in the air and i was jumping for the ball, when out of nowhere came sheng xiang's foot in a flying scissors kick to contact with my head. ah woe is me.

another pair of spectacles destroyed in 2 weeks. must be some kind of record. neither can be fixed/salvaged, so looks like some expenditure is required =( in the meantime, while i wait for the specs to regenerate, or in this case, for a new pair/pairs to be made, i shall have to wear my contacts. hopefully it's only till tomorrow, and my glasses will be back. so let's hope and pray, shall we? sadly lightning does strike twice. hopefully not more than that though.

now that we've affirmed it, can lightning strike twice in a good way? please? =)

in the meanwhile, on the topic of lightning strikes...OWNING!!!

funny comments

before i forget, i must quickly post this! a few weeks ago, i posted the following:

side note 2. here's a little something from an msn conversation today =)

xxx says:
ok la ok la.. you're damn freaking cute! =/

so today, here's an sms i got, from, say, yyy.

yyy says:
YARYAR im so crazy bout u ive got ur initials tatooed all over my chest

ahem. such interesting girls i know! hurhur.

to further elaborate on my day, i was mr chauffeur, at my brother's beck and call whenever he needed to go to and from school. i seriously have no idea what he's doing in school, according to him it's training/lectures, well if he says so i'll have to take it at that.

at the third place

interesting visit to the third place yesterday, what with loud music, scrabble and running to the car (parked far far away) through the rain. it was a pretty tiring thing to do after a more-tiring-than-usual day of football, along with trying to drive in the rain at night with contacts which weren't so clear! that was almost a disaster i tell you, driving without being able to see lane markings is pure torture. thank God i made it home alive...

the most interesting thing we did last night wasn't scrabble, chilling or eating. actually it was the time when we were drawing on mahjong paper with crayons! don't believe me? well, take a look for yourself. these pictures essentially accurate, i've just modified them to include certain additional elements ;) they represent certain people, so if you can guess who, well done!

It all started with...The Mother Ship

Then came...Mother Goose

Soon, we felt the wrath of...Mother Nature

But in the end, it all boils down to...The Mother!!!

days to thank God for

today was a pretty eventful day, considering only a little more than half the day has passed. i think it's days like these where i'm counting my blessings instead of wishing for more than i already have. in case you're wondering what i'm actually talking about, briefly put, i was playing football in the morning and i was smashed in the face with a ball, getting my specs completely disintegrated in the process.

so now you're thinking that i'm out of my mind, being thankful for getting injured and a pair of broken specs. under many circumstances, i would think the same way, but these aren't just any circumstances! let me explain.

i must clarify that the incident was completely not my fault. it was also completely uncalled for, but that's besides the point. i was jogging back towards my own goalmouth, with our ball in the opposite half of the playing area not in play, when all of a sudden i saw a white light and my life flashed before my eyes...

ok it didn't but i did feel a huge impact on my face. how was i smashed when the ball was nowhere near me? apparently another group of guys playing on the other half of the pitch had kicked the ball over to our half. ruiming, in an attempt to kick the ball back, managed to slam the ball into my face. considering that i was actually in line with him with respect to the pitch, this is almost impossible to achieve with any attempt with intent and skill. however, in the absence of both, somehow he managed to divert it into my face.

i've to thank God for two things. after i washed up and returned to the pitch, spectacle-less, i wasn't very pissed or accusatory towards ruiming. i'll admit i was a little angry, and he didn't help matters much by giving a cursory "are you okay?" and leaving it at that, despite injury and broken specs and all that jazz. i know it sounds like i'm blaming him for not handling the situation properly, but maybe six months earlier i would've blown up and destroyed him within the fire of my wrath. so i thank God for being able to not just contain but be almost void of anger, and i hope i'll be able to continue walking that way.

i must also thank God for His protection today. yes, i hear the "are you crazy, you got injured and you call it protection?" coming from you. but yes i do. when the arm of my spectacles snapped, they rocketed into my face at tremendous velocity and cut me rather unglamorously. however, i think you'll understand why i thank God for protection if you look at where the cuts are. if the spectacle arm had penetrated me just an additional 1cm towards my nose, i would probably not have my right eye any longer. and as much as i'd love to be like the One Eye Lawyer (Snake, Demon, Money-Sucker, whatever you call lawyers nowadays), i have to say, thank You God for letting me keep my eye.

days like these, you just feel thankful that you possess so many things, like eyes, patience and love. even though i know a lot of my posts are about complaints, or wants, or things i don't have, i don't actually feel discontented with life. we all want more from life, especially certain things that we feel are really worth it, but i don't feel discontented either. and days like these, you just can't help but thank God for what He's given you.