first week of school

the first week of school has been, to say the least, very very tiring. thankfully i've yet to experience the same emotions i felt in OCS, which i'm sure you'd think is a rather ridiculous thing to compare with NUS law, but it isn't all that different after all.

at least in OCS, there was no thinking involved. we were just all really tired out by the physical strain, and we'd feel completely low and down knowing that the following day would be more of the same, knowing that there'd be more punishments and stupid activities for us to go through.

now that i've entered uni, things are completely different, yet so similar. every day i'm put through mental torture, having to think deeply about issues and delve into cases. i've to plough through whole multitudes of cases, and attempt to absorb them into my decaying brain. what is challenging for a normal person becomes twice as hard for people like me, who've not had mental stimulation for the 2 years of army, and then didn't bother doing anything after they ORDed.

it gets worse when you look around and you see people doing things you feel you should be doing. people studying their hardest just two days into the start of the school term, people being completely vocal and participative in class, people being alert, attentive and sharp. i've to say that i was never any of the above in JC, but with everyone around me doing all this, it's hard to not feel positively pressured (if you look at it that way). at the same time, however, it's difficult to do something totally against my character, like speak up in class for no good reason, or to do consistent revision.

anyway, i feel totally drained now that the week has ended. drained from the constant intellectual activity, tired from being stressed by my peers' hardworking-ness, and simply exhausted by this whole new lifestyle. let's hope i manage to get my readings and homework for this weekend done in time.